Wednesday, April 23, 2008

g*ddam you neurons!

Dear my neurons and neurotransmitters,

Hey, you! Yeah you! You bastard neurons, and you shitty neurotransmitters... Oh, yeah, you dick-head enzymes too! I'm talking to all of you! Listen up!

No. Don't ignore me! I know you can see me looking at you disdainfully, and I know you see me wagging my finger at you angrily!

Your job is to work in harmony. I don't know the secrets of that harmony, and there are a lot of people out there who have invested a lot of time, energy, and cold hard cash to learn how you function in that requisitely synchronous manner.

Since your job is pretty important, and I'm sure you are aware of what you are supposed to be doing: Stop slacking off! Jackasses!

If you continue to slack off, I am going to go find some Scientologists. Then I am going to shrink them down with the shrink ray I invented during my last psychotic break. Then I am going to snort them and command them to find you.

Do you have any idea how nasty those little buggers will be? They are going to get all dark ninja on your ass and make you behave. And whoever doesn't comply, will be eliminated, as per the code of the dark ninja Scientologists.

And don't forget, those ninja Scientologists are masters at covering their tracks, so you won't even know what hit you.

Your master, even though you show no respect,

PS. For those who don't know what a dark ninja is: Good examples of white ninjas include Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Rapheal, of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fame. A great example of a dark ninja master is Shredder, the evil nemesis of the Turtles.

/tongue in cheek


kathy said...

this is great, i love anyone who can admonish misbehaving body parts and talk about the tmnt and make me laugh at the same time.


Occupant (aka Olivia) said...


yay! i made someone laugh!

apparently i'm not very funny irl, since no one ever really laughs at my jokes. at least i try, right? :D

glad you had a good time reading this post!!! i hope you come back again!