Sunday, April 20, 2008

dear people who post on

Dear poster,

You said this (posted on the April 20/2008 edition of

"When my schizophrenic brother finally succeeded after 15 years of suicide attempts, I was relieved."

As a person who was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and who has successfully managed the condition for over 10 years, I want you to know, that reading this statement made a part of me die a little.

Please understand that I know that I am a burden to my family, and to society in general. And please understand that I know that my actions can cause problems, stress, and pain.

I already know this. Why do you have to reinforce how shitty I am and how much people like myself make your life miserable?

You need to know that this is why we kill ourselves. We despair and we suicide because we are acutely aware that we cause problems (for ourselves, and for the people we love). We suicide because mental illness HURTS everyone it touches and that pain is often unrelenting.

You need to know that mental illness hurts its sufferers from the bottom of our toenails to the top of the hairs on our heads. I'm not talking about a literal pain; I am talking about a relentless ontological throb that we endure from our daily toils in a fast, competitive, and unforgiving world that cries for conformity (and punishes those who do not fit neatly into those compartments you have all neatly sorted out for yourselves).

Please realize that I can understand where this sentiment comes from, and that I respect your feelings, but fuck, what about me?

My sympathies for your loss,


BaldyLocks said...

I just wanted to let you know that sometimes we try our hardest to keep our loved ones with us. Please don't think that everyone feels this way.

I know I don't.

Jennifer Otero said...

a very importannt blog, an illness that alot of people seem to want to ignore but the world should know more about before they judge.

scarlettcat said...

Here, here. I understand that it's hard for the family, but ultimately they can walk away from the problem whenever they need to. For the sufferer, there's really no way to escape, not even for a few minutes.

I've been feeling more and more like a burden to my lot lately. And in some small way, it helps to know that I'm not alone in that.

Although it sucks for you. ;)

xxx scarlett

Occupant (aka Olivia) said...

thank you for your comments.

i do know for a fact that not everyone feels this say, since my family and friends have been fantastic throughout.

in fact, the optimist in me believes that most people do not feel this way.

it just hurts to see things like that. it really does. and i think it is irresponsible to ignore these types of sentiments.

Occupant (aka Olivia) said...

jennifer, sadly, there is a lot of judging that goes on, mostly i think due to the mythology of psychosis that perpetuates stigma/discrimination.

Occupant (aka Olivia) said...

scarlettcat, you rock. don't ever forget that.
xox O.